


The Journey Hasn't Even Begun

by WordCollector



Series: Disconnected [3]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Blood, Gen, Mentions Torture, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-29
Updated: 2015-04-04
Packaged: 2018-03-20 06:26:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3640167
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WordCollector/pseuds/WordCollector
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the Helicarriers crash, Steve emerges from the hospital with one thing on his mind, Bucky.<br/>Confused, and betrayed by someone he trusts, Steve begins to doubt that he has the ability to help Bucky after all.</p><p> </p><p>This can be read alone, or as part of the series Disconnected.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Drifting in and out of consciousness, Steve floated through his first few days in the hospital. He had dreams about Bucky, and often woke confused. Once, he thought he was in Hydra custody. A few times, he thought he was still on the helicarrier, and every time he asked about Bucky.

Sam did not want to hear about Bucky. Steve noticed this early on, but he didn’t stop asking. Sam always seemed to be there, by his side.

When Steve first opened his eyes, he felt so groggy, he wondered if they were drugging him. After a few sluggish days, he knew they were drugging him, he just wondered what they had that was strong enough. 

Each time Steve woke, he tried to work out what had happened. He vividly remembered falling. He thought Bucky was still on the helicarrier, but he also remembered being pulled in the water. He remembered floating down, then being jerked up. That was a weird vague feeling, fuzzy and unfocused. He felt like he was drowning, then he woke on the bank. The more he thought about it, the more he realized it had to be Bucky. Who else would it have been?

One itchy afternoon, Steve peeled up one of the bandages from his abdomen. He found healing puckered skin, and more sticky tape glue, the scab was already gone. Steve knew he would be fine at home. The doctors wanted him to stay, but Steve had work to do.

When Sam arrived that afternoon, Steve asked for some clothes from home. He told Sam he was signing himself out. Sam made him swear to rest if he brought the clothes. He made Steve swear on an actual Bible. Steve wondered where he got a Bible on such short notice.

The apartment building looked so normal when they pulled up. Steve expected a big change, a significant difference. The whole world had been turned upside down, good was bad, and bad was worse than he imagined. The buildings around him should also look transformed, like when he was suddenly in another time. But there was nothing, the world continued to turn. People cleaned up and went on with their lives.

Stepping out of Sam’s new car, Steve scanned the sidewalk. He had almost hoped Bucky would be there, waiting in the shadows. It was unrealistic, he knew that, but he hoped anyways. When he came to his apartment, it smelled of fresh paint, and drywall. Someone had fixed it. Steve didn’t care who.

Slowly he wandered each of the rooms, hoping and trying to see some sign, some signal that Bucky had been there. Something to let Steve know that he was safe. Sam followed Steve into the living room and flopped onto the couch, grabbing the remote and watching Steve go from room to room. Sam was frowning and Steve felt bad, but he couldn’t help looking. He even checked the kitchen cupboards, but there was nothing but a little drywall dust on the counter.

Soon, Steve excused himself to go lay down. Sam seemed happy at this. Steve knew he wouldn’t sleep. He would lie in bed, stare at the ceiling and think. He tried to work out where Bucky would go. He would make charts, graph possible scenarios for various states of memory recovery. He hoped that Bucky would get his memory back. But what if he didn’t? What if that glimmer, that confused rage, wasn’t Bucky remembering anything? What if Steve imagined it? What if he didn’t remember Steve at all? What if he didn’t want to be found?

If he didn’t want to be found, Steve would never find him. Maybe he had been here. Maybe he was on the street when Steve came inside. What if he was already gone?

Steve closed his eyes and pulled a pillow over his face, he needed to stop and focus. Work each possibility out. Worrying wouldn’t get him anywhere. Steve just needed to figure out where Bucky was. After finding him, Steve would help him get his memory back, and everything would be fine. He needed to hold onto this, repeat it like a mantra.

Rolling over, Steve grabbed a pad of paper. Even though his memory was enhanced by the serum, it helped him focus. Mostly it gave him something to do, some way to move forward. He hadn’t written anything down in the hospital, too many prying eyes. He didn’t want either Hydra or SHIELD to get any info that might lead to Bucky.

Opening the drawer he rummaged for a pencil. He liked the feel of the wooden pencil in his hand. The apartment had drawers full of pens and pencils. Steve liked cell phones and computers just fine, but he preferred the act of making a list on paper.

As Steve started to make his chart, Sam popped his head in. “I heard you were up. Do you want me to hit a sandwich shop? Get some lunch?” He said with a smile.

Steve put his hand over his work, and said, “Yeah. Roast beef on rye.” 

Sam was still smiling but looking at the paper. 

“Thanks, man.” Steve added “I am kinda starved.”

“Sure thing.” Sam said ducking his head out of the room. Steve heard him grab his keys and head out. 

As soon as Sam closed the door, Steve pulled the page out of the notebook, Quickly drew a city skyline on the first page, then began his notes again. He felt guilty, he didn’t want to hide things from Sam. Being thrown off the helicarrier hadn’t made Sam a fan of Bucky’s. Steve couldn’t blame him. 

A half-hour later and ten pages of notes were in the book. Everything Steve could remember, no matter how small. Steve sketched Bucky’s guns and knives, Buckys clothes from mask to boots. Next to the sketches of Bucky, he listed facts about Bucky’s clothes, from the texture, to the thickness of the body armor. He sketched Bucky, and everything he could remember about Bucky, especially the arm. He wrote lists of possible Hydra locations and double agents. He sketched every Hydra agent he didn’t have a name for. Pages of data from a mind that could remember everything. He just needed it all recorded. 

He would work out what happened to Bucky from this. This would be his staring point.

The apartment door clicked open, and Steve heard Sam make crumpling noises, setting down the bags of food. 

While Sam was locking the door, Steve started to close the notebook, looking around for where to hide it. Instead, he took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a second. Sam came in, bag full of sandwiches, and a drink in his other hand, moving to set Steve’s order on the table next to the bed. Steve held up the notebook, then set it by his side on top of the covers. Pages open, to show drawings of a Bucky’s body armor.

“I’m going to find Bucky.” Steve tapped the notebook, “I could use your help.”

They both locked eyes for a minute.

“Are we doing this now? I have a meatball sub with my name on it, and my mouth has been watering the whole walk home.”

Steve smiled “We can go over it after we eat. I’m starved too.”

Smiling, Sam set a bag next to Steve. “Good, I got you three sandwiches and chips, I didn’t know how much to feed a Super-Soldier.”

While they were eating, Sam frowned and Steve worried that Sam would back out. Sam didn’t need to get mixed up in this. Eventually, Sam said “What if he doesn’t want to be found?”

Steve frowned too. “We’ll work that out later. I just want him to know that we’re here, if he wants to come home.”

Sam still frowned “I’m not worried about him. He can take care of himself. I’m worried about you. What are you going to do if he doesn’t want to be found?”

Steve stared at the sandwich in his hand for a while. “I don’t know.” he finally said.

*********************

At the cemetery a week later, Fury was disappointed that Sam wouldn’t be joining his team, but not surprised. He saw Romanoff give Rogers the file on Barnes. During his time as Director, Fury had seen what Hydra could do to a good man’s mind. After that many decades, Fury was convinced that Barnes would be Hydra through and through. He doubted there was much left of Barnes’ mind, but Rogers would have to figure that out on his own.

These days, Fury was focused on making sure the few people who were on his team were up to the task of getting Hydra. They needed resources and intel, both of which were in short supply. His people needed to regroup and lie low. SHIELD bases were compromised, and new facilities needed to be secured. There were only a few select individuals who could handle this. Fury had to lie low, he was dead after all.

Sleep was a commodity that Fury didn’t get a lot of, but he knew that if he didn’t get any, he would become paranoid and careless. He couldn’t afford to be either right now. 

After another long day, he entered his latest apartment. It was at the bottom of a darkened stairwell in the basement of an old SHIELD secret base. When he reached for the light switch he saw someone in the shadows sprawled out in one of his armchairs. 

Fury clicked on the light. The man stood at attention, and stated “James Buchanan Barnes, Sergeant, 32557038. Reporting.”

Walking up and standing practically nose to nose, Fury looked into the unwavering stare and asked, “Is that who you think you are when you wake up in the morning?”

Barnes blinked at the question, the corners of his mouth turned down. “No Sir, but a SHIELD agent on the Helicarrier was willing to bet his life that it is.”

“Good enough Sergeant. Good Enough.”

***************

The brown file folder was intimidating as it sat there on his dining room table. Steve had thumbed through it when Natasha gave it to him. The images inside were disturbing enough, but Natasha had added pages of translations and notes. 

When Steve left the cemetery, he sent Sam home. He wanted to process this alone. He needed to see, but it was overwhelming. Steve hadn’t even read the file. He needed to read it. After pacing a few minutes he grabbed the file from the table and took it to the couch, bringing a blank notebook with him. 

By midnight, Steve was still sitting on the couch, the pages of folder lay scattered on the floor, and the notebook was still blank. Leaning forward, Steve had his head in his hands. He thought he was overwhelmed before. He hadn’t hit the tip of the iceberg, and he knew it. 

He couldn’t imagine what it was like for Bucky.

It was dawn before Steve had recovered enough to start taking notes. He wanted Sam to see some progress, and he didn’t want Sam to think he couldn’t handle this. He needed to show a strong front, and have actionable research that could begin their search. Steve filled the notebook with data for Sam. 

When Sam finally arrived after breakfast, Steve had pages full of notes from the file.

Sam took one look at the notebook and flopped onto the couch. He thumbed through, and set it aside after a few seconds.

Narrowing his eyes when Sam put the notes down unread, Steve slumped into the armchair facing the couch. 

Sam’s mouth twisted into an almost frown, and he leaned forward “That’s some horrible stuff.” He looked Steve dead in the eyes. “How are you taking it?”

“What?” Steve was confused “How am I taking it?”

“Yeah” Sam asked, leaning back “You already knew your buddy went through some terrible crap. Looks like you were up all night taking notes on the most horrible things human beings can do.” he sighed “And all of it happened to your best friend.” Sam paused and just looked at Steve before continuing. “You have a right to be shaken up.”

Steve leaned back in the chair and stared at the ceiling for a few minutes. At some point, Sam began to lean forward, his hand had moved towards Steve’s arm almost touching it. The motion, brought Steve back to the present. He looked back at Sam, who looked like he had said something, and was waiting for Steve to respond. Steve was tired. He could stay up for days without needing much rest. The emotional strain was already overwhelming and he had just begun. Steve looked at Sam wondering how they were going to do this.

Sam raised an eyebrow, “Are you back with me?” Steve smiled a little and nodded, his eyes had begun to feel hot. 

Sam made a fist and gently tapped the front of Steve’s knuckles. “We will get through this. You will get through this.” Steve hadn’t realized how hard his hands were clenched into fists until he felt them loosen.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The tags have changed, this chapter has violence.

Exhausted from pouring over the file, Steve decided to change tactics. He went with his gut and contacted Tony. Steve was reluctant to call Tony since he had seen Stark Industries all over the news the past few months. Tony was basically starting over, having lost most of his armors and a house or possibly two. After Steve explained what was happening, Tony was more than willing to help. It turns out Tony also watched the news, and Steve had been in the headlines too.

Before the day was out, Tony set it up that they would be alerted to any Winter Soldier style activity. He had also set up a few well placed drones throughout New York, in areas that Bucky used to frequent before the war. That way if he started to regain his memory and returned to any of his familiar haunts, Steve would know. 

Steve himself started his search within DC. He found, and destroyed a few local Hydra bases. Sam enjoyed this part of the job, very much. He said he felt like a super hero. Steve kept telling him he was a super hero and thanked him a million times.

Soon, Steve realized that the intel he was gathering wasn’t giving him the slightest clue where Bucky was now. It looked like he hadn’t returned to Hydra and Steve was so relieved, but he still had no clue where Bucky had gone.

Eventually, Steve went back to the beginning, and he and Sam headed for the Alps. As soon as Steve stepped out on the familiar ledge, they realized this may be more than he could handle. Sam recognized the signs, and got them back off that mountain. Steve didn’t remember much of the trip back down. 

Sam tried to sugar coat Steve’s panic attack. He kept Steve calm until they got him off the mountain and back into bed at the hotel. Steve didn’t argue too much. Once everything started to spin, he just wanted to lie down and try not to throw up. For a while he actually lie down on the mountain ridge. They stayed there in the snow for a few hours before Sam joked he might get frostbite. The guilt motivated Steve into trying to get off the mountain and back to the hotel.

After the Alps, they found a few Hydra bases, and they got some new data. Sam said he didn’t think things could be worse, but any time they found out new information about Bucky, it was always worse. 

Back in New York, Tony had no new news. Natasha was somewhere in Europe trying to rid the world of Hydra, and she implied that Nick Fury was doing the same. She was able to provide them with a few leads to Red Room locations, warning them that things would be grim. She was right, and after everything they found, Sam began watching Steve like a hawk. Steve must have looked pretty shaken up if Sam wasn’t even trying to hide it. 

Soon, they had piles of data on the Russians and Hydra, but not many clues as to where Bucky would go. They had no sign of him in Europe, D.C. or New York. Steve felt guilty about dragging Sam around for the past few months. Finally, Steve conceded that all the information in the world wasn’t going to get him any closer to finding Bucky. If he didn’t want to be found, they simply wouldn’t find him. They decided to head home. Steve could see the relief on Sam’s face, even though Sam said he was all geared up to hike through Europe for another month. 

Back in D.C. Steve set the piles of data into a big box, and put them into the closet and locked it. It was Sam’s idea that he needed a vacation from the search. Give himself a week off before continuing. 

During his week off, Steve took his motorcycle for a ride along the Blue Ridge Mountains. The mountains looked incredible, but nothing like the Alps. The Alps were jagged and white, with cliffs that were dangerous, deadly. The Blue Ridge Mountains were rolling, foggy, blue, and soothing. Steve rode along gentle winding roads with quaint country stores popping up randomly. Beyond the mountains, Steve rode on through the countryside. It was peaceful, and isolated. 

Tuesday, mid morning, Steve sat at a diner booth, reading over a tourist map, trying to decide on a route. Sipping at his hot coffee, he checked his phone. He left the ringer off while he rode. There was usually a daily text from Sam. As he was sending Sam a text about the peach cobbler, his phone chimed. It was a message from Natasha. He felt a cold chill. Before he could click the message, it chimed again, a message from Tony. 

He checked Nat’s message first. “Found him.”

Tony’s message “Romanoff said you would need a ride. Meet you outside in ten.”

Steve paid his Bill and got his gear from the back of the bike. He wasn’t sure if he was leaving it here or not.

Within ten minutes, a Quinjet landed in the parking lot and Tony stepped out. He helped Steve roll the bike onto the jet and strap it down. Steve asked what Tony knew, and Tony had a cagey look and avoided the question. 

Steve felt a little light headed. Tony usually gave too much information. Tony was talking about all kinds of things, just nothing concerning Bucky. If he didn’t know anything, Tony usually talked about that. Instead, Tony waxed poetic about the beauty of the Blue Ridge Mountains. 

Finally, they arrived back in D.C. and flew near a FBI holding facility. Tony landed the jet on the roof of a nearby Stark Industries building. It specialized in high tech gadgets made specifically for the FBI. Inside, a smartly dressed woman in a tan suit led them to a large conference room where Stark started a hologram conversation with Natasha. She looked glum.

It turned out Bucky had been in Shield custody since the time when Steve had been released from the hospital. Steve was enraged. Natasha insisted that she had no idea until now. Steve was certain that Fury knew. Even though he was supposed to be dead, Fury was still running this show. The data sent to her had most likely come from Fury.

The leaked data showed that Bucky was originally slated to be released into FBI custody Friday. He was going to be tried for treason, terrorism, and multiple counts of murder. Steve’s heart sunk. He had to excuse himself to the bathroom, where his peach cobbler made an unwelcome reappearance. 

When he walked back into the room, Natasha stopped talking and Tony looked pale. Tony was very quiet, and suggested Steve get a drink before they continue. Steve turned him down, and Tony poured himself a stiff drink, downing it in one go. 

Tony made himself another, and slumped into a chair at the back of the room before they continued. He sat hunched forward with his head in his hands, and drink between his feet. Speaking to his feet, Tony mumbled “Just when you thought things couldn’t get worse.” Tony sighed and never looked up from his feet.

Steve looked at Nat. She was also looking down as she said “They are trying to divide us. Tony’s parents are on the list of victims the state will be charging James with murdering.”

Steve looked out the window at the beautiful clear blue sky. He noticed there weren’t any clouds. Natasha continued “Steve that’s not the worst.” she said “You should sit down for this”

Near the window, Steve looked back at Tony. The room was quiet and Tony hadn’t even glanced up. “Just say it.” Steve barked.

She took a breath “Four hours ago Hydra breached SHIELD defenses. James was shot multiple times in the attack. Steve, one shot hit him in the head.”

Steve came around with Tony hovering over him. A woman in a blue suit held his arm, trying to pick him up off the floor. Steve noticed she had very nice shoes. The woman in the tan suit brought him a glass of water. They helped him get to a chair where he waved away the water and croaked out “Is he alive? I have to see him.” 

Natasha didn’t seem surprised, “They have him in surgery. They plan on releasing him to the FBI as soon as he is out of surgery.”

“What? Before he’s even conscious?” Steve stood. “Where’s Fury?” He blurted out. 

Natasha deflected “If you mean Director Caulson, he’s on a mission.” She shook her head no, when she spoke. He knew she wouldn’t talk about Fury here. Steve hated all of the lies. 

Steve narrowed his eyes “How long have you known Bucky was in SHIELD custody? Why didn’t you prevent this? How did Hydra know where the Facility was? How was Hydra allowed to get into the facility, let alone get that close to Bucky? No. Never mind.” Steve had a million questions “I want to see him now” Steve growled leaning forward with both hands on the table. 

“We can answer those questions later. I’ll try to get you in to see him.” She said reaching forward. 

Steve could tell she was going to end the conference. “Please, Nat. I have to see him.” he begged. He wasn’t above begging when it was this important. 

She looked away to the side “I’ll try.” She said and disappeared. The conference was over. 

For the first time Steve noticed how terrible Tony looked. He was still in a chair at the back of the room staring into his drink. He didn’t look up when Steve slumped into a chair at the table. They both sat in silence. 

An hour later a message came in that contained an encrypted file. The file had SHIELD security footage. Steve stared at the screen as the video started. Tony had been staring out the window, he moved closer and joined Steve. 

The video showed Bucky’s white cell, and him sitting cross-legged on the bed. His hair and beard were long, not unkempt, just long. He stared across the wall at nothing. His right hand rested on his knee, the left arm was in a blue sling. The sound of shooting could be heard in the distance, then the door cracked open and smoke rolled in. 

Barely turning his head to look towards the door, Bucky didn’t seem concerned when armed Hydra agents came into the room. As they approached, one man reached out to grab Bucky’s arm “Come-on get moving.” He yelled. 

When he made contact, Bucky reached up and snapped the man’s wrist. Next he snatched the rifle and threw him into a wall. Bucky shot the man in the head, then his partner. He stood with the rifle and headed towards the door. 

In the doorway Bucky turned and shot the Hydra agents outside the door. Two more Hydra agents were at the end of the hall. One fired hitting Bucky in the side. Bucky looked down at the blood and smiled. He stepped into the hall and fired, shooting the agent in the leg. Both agents fired back, and a few rounds found their target. One hit Bucky in the leg, which he ignored, another in the metal shoulder which ricochet off into the wall. 

Bucky narrowed his eyes, and shot the Hydra agent in the other leg. The man fell, yelling, and his comrade began to fire again, this time hitting Bucky in the side. Bucky frowned down at the bullet hole as it began to bleed, then walked closer, holding the rifle in one hand ready to fire. 

The Hydra agents let loose a hail of bullets. A few more bullets found their mark, but they didn’t even disturb Bucky’s slow walk down the hall. As he came closer to the men, the one with a bullet in each leg began to panic, and threw a grenade. His companion had the sense to jump around the corner. The one on the floor was not as lucky and was killed by his own grenade. 

The explosion threw Bucky back into the wall. He was still on his feet and shook his head to clear it. Straightening, he stood in the middle of the smoky hallway tilting his head and listening to the gunfire. His gray sweats were covered in streaks of blood from the gunshot and shrapnel wounds. Blood ran down his temple, and streaked his beard. 

Bucky looked around as four more Hydra agents came around a corner from the other side. Hydra agents were now on both ends of the hall. The Hydra agents raised their rifles. Bucky turned towards the four new faces, smiled and raised his weapon. They opened fire. Rounds hit Bucky from both sides. One round spun Bucky, a spray of blood came from his head and he went down. He lie twisted on his side, slumped unmoving on the floor. 

Two Hydra agents ran towards Bucky, scooping him up and dragging him by his arms down the hall as their remaining three comrades checked and cleared each hall. 

Without stopping the video Steve said “He was trying to get them to shoot him.” Steve turned to Tony. “Where were the SHIELD agents? Why weren’t they trying to stop Hydra?”

As the video continued, it showed the Hydra agents dragging Bucky down the hall. When they were in the middle of a long corridor, gas came in from all of the vents. As the Hydra team stopped to don their gasmasks, SHIELD agents fired and most of the Hydra team went down. One tried firing back, but SHIELD agents overwhelmed him. Soon the hall just showed smoke and shadows moving around. As the billowing smoke blocked the camera’s view the footage ended. 

Steve didn’t watch it again. 

The SHIELD facility turned out to be right near the FBI facility, hidden right under their noses. 

Once inside, Steve was quickly brought through multiple layers of security into a SHIELD facility at least a half mile underground. Eventually, Steve entered a windowless, white room with no furniture. After surgery, Bucky had been returned to his cell. 

Bucky lie on a bed that was little more than a raised platform against one wall. He was pale, and his hair and beard looked especially dark. A white bandage was taped to his temple, brown blood dotted the middle. Bucky wore a hospital gown loosely tied, his legs and feet were bare. Bandages covered a few spots on his legs, and Steve knew there were more under the gown. Steve’s first impression was that he looked peaceful. 

Steve knelt on the floor next to him, and gently took his right hand. Bucky didn’t respond, his hand was limp and cool. Someone had cleaned up the room, and wiped Bucky down. Steve could still smell the blood, cleaners, and gunpowder. There was blood around the cuticles of Bucky’s fingernails. His metal left arm was in a sling across his chest, Steve guessed it had been immobilized. From his new angle, Steve could see some tacky clumped hair at the side of Bucky’s head. He stared at the bandage, Steve would bet the bleeding stopped a few hours ago. 

As he sat on the floor, Steve’s mind wandered to the mechanics of it. How had they done it. How had Hydra gotten to Bucky. Steve wanted to know why Bucky hadn’t fought back. The few times Bucky shot at the Hydra agents it was like he was antagonizing them. Then Steve sighed. Treason. They charged Bucky with treason, and that was the end. That alone would have been enough to break the Bucky that Steve knew. 

How much of the old Bucky was still here lying in front of him? All of the questions came back to Steve, but with terrible new ones. Would this kill Bucky? Would Bucky be able to heal from this? Did he just make himself a vegetable? 

Steve stared at Bucky’s face and tried not to think too hard about all of the terrible things Hydra did to Bucky. When they first tried to remove his memories, had they ever used brutal tools to simply scramble his mind and get him to comply? Did they use some form of lobotomy? Steve hadn’t seen that in the files, but that didn’t mean that they hadn’t done it.

Most of Steve’s research led to techniques that allowed Hydra to keep Bucky in working order but obedient. Mind control, conditioning, and lying to Bucky were the most common techniques. They were used along with a machine that allowed them to simply remove memories, a machine that had been refined through decades of trial and error. A complicated feat of technology used for the sole purpose of providing Hydra with a willing super soldier. 

This was different. This wasn’t done with the intent to remove memories. It was a simple destruction of a random part of Bucky’s brain. Would the serum save him? 

Steve stared sightlessly at Bucky’s metal hand resting on his chest. It sat limp yet moving slightly with Bucky’s breathing. Eventually, Bucky’s breathing became deeper. Steve felt the fingers of Bucky’s right hand move slightly. He stared at Bucky’s eyes, but they didn’t open. Soon Bucky’s breathing evened out and nothing else happened. Steve sighed and rested his forehead against Bucky’s hand. 

After a few minutes Steve felt Bucky’s hand move again. When he looked up Bucky’s eyes were half open. “Who?” he rasped out looking at Steve.

“Easy Buck. Just rest.” Steve tried to soothe him. Bucky’s eyes were already drifting closed.

Steve thought Bucky was asleep again, but suddenly Bucky’s forehead scrunched up, his eyes cracked open, and he said “I keep waitin.” Then, as his eyes closed again, he mumbled “I don’t think he’s gonna come.”

Steve slumped “Shh. Shh. Everything is gonna be just fine Buck. Just rest.” Steve didn’t know if everything was going to be fine, he just prayed it would be. Bucky didn’t rouse again that day, and Steve spent the next few hours sitting, staring at Bucky’s closed eyes. 

The next day Steve begged Tony to sober up and help. He and Tony used every favor owed to get an audience with the President. The President was trying to distance himself from the issue, but Steve wasn’t having it. By the end of the day, Bucky was not going to be charged. The official reports would be closed, and Bucky’s activities as POW were listed as coerced. 

Bucky would not stand trial. Not that Bucky even remembered he was going on trial. The next two weeks Bucky was conscious for less than an hour a day. He was barely aware when conscious, and frequently faded in and out. Steve camped out by his side, hoping for a miracle. 

One day Steve walked into Bucky’s room to find him doing pushups. Steve looked startled. Bucky looked unfazed, like he had just recovered from a minor injury and was fine now. 

Bucky had no idea who Steve was. Steve was disappointed, but not surprised. The next day Bucky seemed like he was completely recovered, but when Steve walked in Bucky had no idea who Steve was. Any time Steve left the room and returned, he had to introduce himself all over again. Steve was beginning to think that there was permanent brain damage, but he knew that Bucky remembered Tony, and all of the nurses and doctors. The doctors were pleased with his recovery. His memory tested better than most people who hadn’t been shot in the head.

That was when Steve didn’t know what to do. Bucky remembered everyone and everything but Steve. 

It was getting harder and harder for Steve to visit. Steve thought his visits were starting to be pointless, Bucky never remembered any of them. He didn’t talk much, but he didn’t need anyone to take care of him. He was better than fine, super soldier healing took care of that. He could be released any day now, live a normal life.

Steve still visited. He became used to introducing himself every time. Then he walked in one day and Bucky looked up from reading a book and said “Hey. I’ve been waitin.”

Steve looked around “For what, Buck?”

Bucky stood “For you. You said you were gonna bring a milkshake.”

Steve looked at the bag in his hand and smiled “Yeah Buck. I sure did.”

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and Kudos are appreciated.


End file.
